The TOURIST shuffled
down the steps of the tower. Each foot not stepping, but sliding forward to
allow gravity to drag its tired matter to the next platform. The night had been
long. The steps were littered with
litter. The risings suns pale yellow highlighted the reflective, shiny bits of
the scattered debris. The cans, bottles, and brightly colored wrappers of the
nights festivities. Small pops sounded throughout the city as those with the
endurance, stupidity, or the right drugs continued into the next day. 40 OZ AMSTEL went ringing down and alley way
as his foot brushed it aside. Turning right he reached la Calle. The tired feet
continued across. A park lay before him. Long and narrow, the remnants of a
once mighty river. Scattered throughout the trees like Hellenic nymphs and
fawns lay lovers. Looking like so many scattered pebbles. Each a lump off lusterless
opaque. A bench beckoned and he answered. He set to light his last cowboy killer in the pack. The lighter sparked three times as he struggled with weary fingers to
work the mechanism. He gave up, head leaned back cigarette dangling
on the precipice of pale lips.
Light filtered
through leaves, descended on his closed eyes, as the first soft, wheezy snore
rumbled out of him.
After reviewing your post I really enjoyed how you used two different languages. It shows diversity and creativeness. However, if someone doesn’t know the language you were using they might be a little bit confused. Also, it may not attract the reader’s attention. I also thought it was creative how you bolded the word tourist. It let the reader know right away by looking at that word and the picture what you would be talking about. However, this picture really didn’t give any clarity. I wasn’t sure where it was the picture was portraying. Maybe add two pictures instead of making that one image so big. Your post was very detailed which I liked. It set the scene and the setting very well. I was visualizing as I was reading and that’s a hint that it was good writing. Only good writers can achieve that, so props to you. I used your quote “The risings suns pale yellow highlighted the reflective, shiny bits of the scattered debris” in my piece because I thought it went really well with my theme. I love the way you described the morning. I pictured it perfectly and I knew this was the quote I had to use. Another critique for your writing I had is to just write a little bit more. I feel like you were lacking in content. I wanted to read more and it ended so abruptly. Maybe like you didn’t have enough time to finish it or you forgot we had a word count? I am not really sure. All in all, it was a very creative and diverse piece. I enjoyed the foreign language and great details that were portrayed throughout the piece. You have great writing skills and natural talent. I cannot wait to read the rest of your blog and for you to reveal your anonymity.
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